Happiness can be defined in all kinds of ways, but human beings, consciously or unconsciously, are always pulling for their own version of happiness. Even people who want to die see death as a kind of solace, and view ending their lives as the only way to make it there. Happiness is the base unit of consciousness, our single greatest motivator. Saying “I just want to be happy” trumps any other explanation.
Tag: music
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Three films
- The Worst Person in the World (2021)
- Maborosi (1995)
- Scrapper (2022)
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Before June ends
Song
- Look On Down from the Bridge – Mazzy Star
Youtube
- @cemeteryf0g
Film
- Aftersun (2022)
Book
- The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
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Music Recs
Whatever – Oasis
Go Now – Adam Levine
We Are Young – Fun.
The Scientist – Coldplay
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Bird Wings
Hello, Lavenders,
How was your first week of 2025?
Yesterday, I went to watch Flow (2024), a film I’ve been wanting to see for a long time. There’s no cinema near my college, so I haven’t been able to watch films as often as I used to. But now that I’m on break, I finally had the chance to go. I’ve been waiting to see Flow before it left theatres. The reviews were glowing, and I didn’t want to miss it. I found a small independent cinema, and the moment I walked in, it felt like home.
I grew up on a little island where the animal population outnumbered the humans. We didn’t have big cinemas, only small independent ones. I used to take an hour-long bus ride every weekend with my friend to watch films. We were in our film buff phase back then, watching nearly every release that came out. Those bus rides were long, but we loved them. We’d talk about the films all the way home — what we liked, what we didn’t, what the director could have done differently. As we grew older, things changed. Life got busier. Exams, new responsibilities, different paths. The one of us moved to the other side of the island, making it harder to meet. Our trips became less frequent. But even now, whenever we meet, we always make time for a film. It’s our little ritual, a reminder of the days we shared popcorn, seeing who could fit more in their mouth at once and ending up choking from laughing too hard.
Watching Flow reminded me of that.
The film was beautiful. There was no dialogue, yet it spoke louder than words. And it stayed with me long after the screen faded to black. There were no humans in the film, but every wave, every crack in the earth, every storm felt profoundly human. It showed how we try to conquer nature without ever realising we’re part of it. How we take and take, blind to the damage, until everything stands on the edge of collapse. And how, in the end, it takes sacrifice to bring balance back to the world.
For some reason, when I think of humanity’s habit of taking too much and leaving things broken, I’m reminded of Bird Wings by Valium Aggelein — a side project of Duster. The song carries a kind of sadness that lingers, mourning what’s already lost, while holding on, desperately, to what little remains.
Thank you for stopping by my little lavender fields.
God bless and goodbye!
~Rue
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Sticky Summer Air
Hello Lavenders,
The final day of 2024 has arrived. How are you feeling?
For me, this year has been a mix of endings and beginnings. I graduated from high school and moved to a different country. Here, no one knows me, and that feels freeing, like I could rewrite everything from the start. It’s funny—one day you’re in your room, and the next, you’re in a whole new country. You never really know what’s coming next, but maybe that’s what makes life interesting.
In this new place, I’ve met people I never expected to meet, discovered places I never thought I’d find, and learnt to grow in ways I never imagined. It’s hard to believe I’ve only been here for four and a half months. My perspective has shifted, my values have expanded, and I’ve started to understand myself in new ways. The friends I’ve made have helped me see life differently, but more than that, they’ve helped me see parts of myself I didn’t know were there. For that, I’m grateful.
This year also gave many Britpop lovers what they had dreamed of for years: the Oasis reunion. Their music has been with me since I was a kid. I never saw them live, but they feel more real than any other band—especially Noel. He grew up with struggles, including a stutter, just like I did. It wasn’t just the shared sadness that drew me to him. It was the way he turned pain into art, showing me that life can hold hope and courage again. Even though Noel once said, “Don’t put your life in the hands of a rock ‘n’ roll band,” he’s still my rock ‘n’ roll hero.
In the Supersonic documentary, Noel shares a piece of his past:
“My dad used to beat the living daylights out of me. But I’ve never felt compelled to either talk about it or write about it. You can’t let that kind of thing affect you in any way. Because then you’re carrying that weight all the way through life. I think it benefitted me in the way that it made me withdraw into my own world. And from that came learning to play the guitar. I guess, in some way, my old fella beat the talent into me.”
When I was younger, I watched that part over and over, like it was some kind of spell. His words felt like something I could hold on to. He reminded me that while we can’t choose what hurts us, we can choose what we create from it.
This is one of my favourite lyrics from Stop Crying Your Heart Out, and I wanted to share it with you:
Hold up
Hold on
Don’t be scared
You’ll never change what’s been and gone
May your smile
Shine on
Don’t be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm‘Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see them someday
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart outThese lines feel like a hand on your shoulder, telling you to dream, to keep going. They tell you that even when the stars fade and the world feels heavy, there’s a light, a chance, a person standing by your side.
Music has a way of turning into a time machine. A single song can carry you back to the exact moment—the air, the light, the way the world felt. Oasis does that for me. When their songs play, I’m back in my childhood, riding my bike to the ocean after school with Wendy. We’d sit by the shore, watching the tides ebb and flow, listening to their music until the sky turned orange and the sun dipped below the horizon. We didn’t talk much, but we didn’t need to. Afterward, we’d scrape together every coin we could find and ride to the corner store. Inside, the air was cool and smelled like chlorine and cheap plastic. We’d grab the biggest blue drink we could afford and share it, passing it back and forth, laughing as it turned our tongues bright blue. I can almost smell the ocean wind, even though I’m far from home now. It was our way of letting everything inside us drift away, like the waves pulling back into the sea.
In Don’t Look Back in Anger, Noel sings about starting a revolution from his bed. That’s my hope for 2025. Small revolutions. Gentle changes. Finding joy in the small moments.
Here’s to Whatever comes next.
Thank you for visiting my little lavender fields.
God bless and goodbye!
~Rue
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Earphones in an Altoids Tin
Happy Monday, Lavenders!
How was your day? Mine was pretty chill, but I was a bit sick. I don’t know why, but I get sick every single month. It’s like clockwork at this point. To make myself feel better, I put on my favourite hoodie. I’ve been wearing it for almost three years now, so it’s super loose, but it smells like me. And I can tell by the scent that it really holds my memories—especially the ones with my dad. It was a gift from him, so every time I wear it, I think of it like a spell—that this is how I keep him close.” Anyways, after I changed, I made a blanket fort on my bed (or, more accurately, an igloo), curled up inside with three blankets, and started reading Impossible Creatures by Katherine Rundell. I’m not usually into fantasy, but I’m trying new things these days.
Normally, once I like something, it’s hard for me to change. It’s partly because I’m indecisive and partly because I’m a total perfectionist. I like to order the same tea, eat the same sweets, and buy clothes from the same brands—every time. (I’m very loyal and maybe a little stubborn because sticking to what you know feels safe. You know it works, and you know you’ll like it.) Even with music, people say Spotify has better personalisation, but I can’t switch from Apple Music because: A. Lossless audio, B. Dobly Atmos, and C. it works on my old MP3 iPod. I love old stuff. A lot of people like shiny new gadgets and trends, but I’m over here fond of things from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s—the world I never lived in but somehow feel nostalgic for.
Speaking of indecisiveness and perfectionism, I’m so bad. It took me a YEAR to pick a pair of headphones. I compared prices, sound quality, colours, design, noise-cancelling… it nearly drove me insane. Just when I thought I’d decided, a newer model came out, and I was back to square one. People say being picky is good when it comes to purchases, but trust me, it’s a pain. And for those who are curious, I bought the Bose QC Ultra headphones. They’re good, and as a music lover, I’m glad I got them. They were expensive, though. My wallet definitely needed CPR afterward, but they were worth it. The only downside is that, like all over-ear headphones, they’re tricky to use in bed unless you lie perfectly still on your back. And I’m more of a side-sleeper-curled-up-like-a-sushi-roll type. So for bed, I stick to my trusty wired earphones.
I know everyone’s into AirPods these days, but I can’t do it. It feels like I’m abandoning my old friend. Is that weird? Probably. But that’s just how I am. I get attached to small things. My wired earphones have been with me through long walks, late nights and tangled messes. They’ve been there when I needed them. AirPods might be better, but they don’t have the same story. They haven’t been crammed into my pocket a hundred times or survived the near-death experience of a washing machine cycle.
Also, it’s a little sad that new phones don’t have the 3.5mm jack anymore. It’s like one day, they just decided, “Hey, let’s make everyone go wireless,” and now we’re all looking for adapters (another way for companies to earn money, haha). I think about all those wired earphones sitting in drawers, forgotten. But I still keep mine in an Altoid tin (it helps keep them from getting tangled). While everything else fades away, I hang on to this small thing. It’s a tiny act, probably meaningless to anyone else, but it matters to me. It’s a way of keeping things from the past, even when the world moves on.
I just poured out my thoughts, so my writing is very unorganised, but I like this “unorganised-ness.” 😎
Before I go, I want to share a little secret: I’ve been listening to No Surprises while writing this, and the Live on Music Planet 2nite 2003 version is my personal favourite. If you like Radiohead, please try it and let me know if you like it too! (But don’t tell anyone I shared this—let’s keep it between us!)
Thank you for visiting my little lavender fields.
God bless and goodbye!
~Rue
Rue 